The Onion Spoofs Twilight

Thanks to Terri and Emily for pointing this out to us.

According to the Onion (well known for its biting sarcasm, satire, and humor):

“Acknowledging years of marital dissatisfaction and a noticeable increase in her vampire husband’s weight, 43-year-old Sara Pastor told reporters Thursday that she often seeks solace by losing herself in the escapist fantasy of the Twilight novels.The Pastors settle in for what has become a typical Friday night together.

The New Orleans resident said it’s been ages since her husband, 834-year-old Andrei Pastor, bought her flowers, took her dancing, or appeared at her second-story window and charmed her into allowing him inside. According to Sara, she purchased the first book in Stephenie Meyer’s young-adult vampire romance series 14 months ago, while waiting for her husband to pick her up from the airport, and has taken refuge in the novels ever since….”

See the whole spoof on The Onion


  1. Lomesir22 says:

    I love it! LMAO The Onion is so funny.

  2. The onion is funny LMAO. Can’t wait for the next twilight. I read about the makeup at iFashion Network

    it’s here:

  3. Isn’t this hilarious?! I love the Onion. I can’t believe they posted an article that I submitted! I feel like a “real” fan now, LOL.


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