I first learned about Twilight four years ago, when a former employer at a talent agency handed me a note that read “Twilight Stephenie Meyer” and instructed me to pick it up at a local bookstore. After walking into the store, I handed this piece of paper to the first employee I could find. I said: “Do you guys have a book called Twilight?” and “It’s by or about someone named Stephenie Meyer.” The employee just laughed and pointed over my shoulder to a six-foot-tall display for the book series. Possibly out of resentment, I remained willfully ignorant of the series ever since. I have gleaned this and only this info in the years since: There is someone named Jacob and someone named Edward. One is a vampire and one is a werewolf, not sure which is which. One is played by Taylor Lautner and one is played by Robert Pattinson (whose last name I recently learned was not Paterson). I also haven’t seen either in any other movies, other than T-Laut’s appearance in Valentine’s Day (appearing with his then-girlfriend Taylor Swift — I know that). Also, Kristen Stewart is in the movies. I don’t know her character’s name or if she is a human or vampire or werewolf. That is all I knew when I was assigned to go see a screening of Breaking Dawn – Part 2 and told to write down my confused thoughts and questions as I watched. Here are my notes, chronologically. (Spoilers follow. But if you, like me, are clueless about Twilight, they won’t ruin your day.)
Read his actual reactions on Vulture, they are HILARIOUS! TY to Joel for sending this in.